How to Lose a Friend


Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend! (Proverbs 17:9 MSG)

This scripture can save you a lot of heartache, in your marriage, family and friend relationships.

Have you ever had a strained relationship and started thinking back to figure out what happened and realized the tension is empowered by some silly disagreement or offense?

It is so sad how we will lose a great relationship over some slight, or even misunderstanding.

This passage says basically if we really want to be close we will choose to overlook weaknesses and conflicts and choose to love anyway.

If we obsess over an offense or irritation with our friends and keep harping on it, and keep bringing it up. The result will be a broken relationship. How silly to lose a relationship over hurt feelings or being insecure.

I know if you are like me, relationships are important to you. We need them and want them in our lives, but friendship can be complicated and hurtful if we choose to wear our feelings on our sleeves.

How do we keep from losing a friend?

1. Forgive.

Its important that you are prepared to forgive because people will hurt you and not even mean to or even
be aware they did. If you can’t forgive and let it go you will lose the relationship.

2. Don’t talk negative about your friend.

If you have an issue with your friend communicate with them about it, get it resolved and let it go. Whatever you do, don’t get obsessed over it and talk it up. Especially not to others.

3. Realize that if you’re friends they care about you so if they hurt you it was probably an accident.

4. Realize you’re not perfect.

When we are easily offended and won’t let go of the offense, there is an unseen assertion that “we” would never do that.

Give the mercy you want to get. You’re gonna need it.

Let it go have a lasting friendship
Obsess over it and the friendship will be over.

Hey Friend


Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. (Proverbs 18:24 MSG)

Do you have any friends with whom your friendship goes way back, and even if you haven’t talked in a while, when you do it’s seems like you pick up right where you left off? Those kinds of
friends are so refreshing and life giving.

I just got off the phone with a friend who is like that for me and I hope
I’m that for him. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize there are a lot of people who call themselves your friend but really don’t know the depth of the word

It’s a relationship that’s akin to covenant type thinking. In other words, I am yours and you are mine. I got your back and you got mine.

It’s based on love, a selfless consideration of others above yourself. It is refreshing, life giving and life changing.

Never underestimate the power of friendship. I encourage you, be a good friend and gather some good friends and value them highly.

Thank God for the concept, idea, and reality of friendship.

Circle of security


A strong man is a secure man.

Men, insecurity is by no means a women’s issue. It just looks different on a man it’s still just as real. So many men suffer with insecurity and it is one of the major things holding them back.

>It’s hard to be confident when your bound by fear of failure

>It’s hard to be sure footed when your standing on the slippery slope of peoples approval

>It’s hard to be independent and interdependent when you’re emotional bound by needy, clingy feelings

>It’s hard to be in control of yourself when you are obviously so out of control trying to control others because your threatened by them.

>It’s hard to value yourself as a man when your reactions are that of a boy much of the time

>It’s hard to play on a team or lead a team because your jealousy of others precludes the possibility.

You can try all you want to be strong but until we deal with the monster of insecurity in our lives strength will evade us.

Have you ever felt like you were sabotaging yourself?

Do you want to succeed, but you get in your own way?

Do you often feel intimidated by pressure, certain challenges, or certain people?

Do you have a lot of times where what you are portraying on the outside is different than what you are feeling on the inside?

Insecurity is imbed in us through a cycle. First let’s define what it really is, it’s fear. And second lets admit we are all susceptible to it.

Everything begins with how you think.

***if insecurity is fear that is cyclical in nature and creates major perpetual bondage in our lives how do we break the cycle? We break the cycle by creating a new cycle.

Insecurity controls our lives when we inappropriately relate to four basic spheres in our lives.

1. How we relate to God
2. How we relate to ourselves
3. How we relate to others
4. How we relate to our purpose or destiny.

If we relate to these areas properly in our lives it will create a positive cycle of security, confidence, and self control.

1. Relate to God

***the proper way to relate to God is as your father. And not just any father but the perfect father.

Matthew 7:9 (nkj)

In this manner therefore pray, our father in heaven hallowed be thy name

Roman 8:15. (NKJ)

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear but you received the spirit of adoption, by whom we cry out abba father

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gifts from above and comes down from the father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

***God wants us to view him as a father?

How are you viewing God?
>Great Creator
>Cosmic trickster
>Distant higher power
>Mighty judge
>genie in a bottle

When you truly relate to God as your benevolent father what do you have to fear. This is the first building block of security in your life understanding how to relate to God as father.

**he owns everything
** he’s more powerful then everyone
** he created wisdom
**he has no limitations.

+God your father, is the beginning and the end
+God your father is the first and the last
+God your father shall supply all of your need
+God your father is the all in all
+He is the everlasting father there was no beginning to him and there will be no end.

If this is your father, what do you have to fear?

>What failure is too big?
>What problem is too complicated?
>What person is too intimidating?
>What financial or emotional issue are to overwhelming?

Your father is bigger, better, and stronger than anything.

Who’s your daddy…God is that’s who

2. How to relate to yourself.

James 1:23-25 (NKJ).

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. (James 1:22-26 NKJV)

***First start with the real you. No facades or faking here. You can’t build on a faulty foundation.

Be real, then be right. Once you reach a place of authenticity then build on that foundation by viewing yourself through the eyes of potential

See yourself for who you are then for who you can be.

>Let the word call you out then keep you in
>Let the word rebuke you and then reflect Christ in you
>Let the word Strip you bare then clothe you in righteousness
>Let the word kill all the pretense in you and fill you with the reality of who God made you to be.

Know who you are and get comfortable in your skin.
>You can’t reflect the opinions others have of you and be secure
>You can’t reflect pressure that life has placed on you and be confident
>You can’t reflect your past and be victorius
>You can’t reflect your friends, family, or environment and be yourself

You must be who you were created to be a reflection of the Son.

So relating properly with God causes you to relate properly with your self. If God is my father than I am his son. And if I’m a son of God I don’t feel the need to constantly prove myself to others, I don’t fear the disapproval of others.

3. How to relate to others.

Every person God brings into my life or puts me in theirs whether positive or negative serves a purpose to push me towards my destiny.

How do you relate to others? (how do you view them?)

>Are they the competition?
>Are they out to get you?
>Are they in your way?
>Are they holding you back?

The proper way to relate to others is to…

>appreciate the role they play
>appreciate the role you play
>appreciate the way God uses others to bring out in you what you were created for.

1 Corinthian 12:12-18 (NKJ)

For just as the body is a unity and yet has many parts, and all the parts, though many, form [only] one body, so it is with Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). For by [means of the personal agency of] one [Holy] Spirit
we were all, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free, baptized [and by baptism united together] into one body, and all made to drink of one [Holy] Spirit. For the body does not consist of one limb or organ but of many. If the foot should say, Because I am not the hand, I do not belong to the body, would it be therefore not [a part] of the body? If the ear should say, Because I am not the eye, I do not belong to the body, would it be therefore not [a part] of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where [would be the sense of] hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where [would be the sense of] smell? But as it is, God has placed and arranged the limbs and organs in the body, each [particular one] of them, just as He wished and saw fit and with the best adaptation. (1 Corinthians 12:12-18 AMP)

You need others and others need you.
They are not the enemy.

Proverbs 18:1 (nkj). He who isolates himself rages against all wise judgement and seeks his own desire.

Relating to God properly causes you to relate to yourself properly which causes you to relate to others properly. Why be insecure with others when you see their role in your life as a benifit not a battlefield

The cycle of security is at work. Offense is being chased out, confidence is rising and cowardice is leaving.

4. How to relate to your destiny or purpose.

How do you relate to your destiny?

>Afraid of failure?
>Afraid of people?
>Afraid of surrender?
>Afraid of sacrifice

Relating properly to your destiny

>Acknowledge that you have one
>It is highly important no matter what it is
>It is not a mystery, it’s in your personality, your gifts and skill set, your relationship with God
>It is where true fulfillment lies as a human being.
>Your destiny and purpose is what God created you for and fits you best and is what He expects your contribution to be.

Relate to God > to self > to others > to purpose.

When I understand God created me for a purpose it cause me to relate to him more intimately as my father. This cycle creates security and confidence in me and chases insecurity out of my life.

>If I know God as my father whom or what shall I fear.
>If I know myself for who I am and can be then I need not fear inadequacy
>If I know the role of others in my life then I need not be jealous or threatened
>If I know my purpose then I need not compare because nothing is greater than what God has created me to be.

Don’t let the Sun Go Down on Your Wrath


I Was in a parking lot today. One car driving down the row another car backing out. Yes you guessed it they collided.

You would think they would get out check to see if each other were ok, be apologetic and exchange insurance.

No! Not these two. They immediately begin to yell at each other. “didn’t you see me driving behind you?”. The other said, “didn’t you see me backing out?”. It was on. I was going to
Try to help but thought better of it. I didn’t have time and they needed a referee not just a passer by.

It seems that people are so easily angered today. I think it’s because we Cary a lot of unresolved frustration and anger.

We go to bed with things unresolved, then they pile up on us until someone presses the right button and boom! We go off like a cannon.

When the bible says not to let the sun go down on our anger God is telling us to deal with our issues. Don’t let even a night go by without getting resolve. Start every day with a clean slate.

Try it. It will take the pressure off and make it a lot easier to live with you.

Bridge Jumping part 2

Proverbs 1:11-19 (MSG)

If they say-“Let’s go out and raise some hell. Let’s beat up some old man, mug some old woman. Let’s pick them clean and get them ready for their funerals. We’ll load up on top-quality loot. We’ll haul it home by the truckload. Join us for the time of your life! With us, it’s share and share alike!” -Oh, friend, don’t give them a second look; don’t listen to them for a minute. They’re racing to a very bad end, hurrying to ruin everything they lay hands on. Nobody robs a bank with everyone watching, Yet that’s what these people are doing-they’re doing themselves in. When you grab all you can get, that’s what happens: the more you get, the less you are.

It’s interesting how people who are bent on being dishonest, or criminal, or even unethical, always want company. They always want to drag someone else down with them. My grandmother would say, “Misery loves company.”

It’s interesting how they have no thought for the feelings of others or the consequences. They have a distorted view of fun and excitement.

It’s interesting how greed drives them to hurt people and mess up their own lives in the process.

It’s most interesting how well meaning, good, intelligent people, out of a weird sense of loyalty and peer pressure will find themselves dragged into ridiculous behavior over some juvenile need for acceptance.

The answer for not experiencing the results of bridge jumping is to do what Solomon says here. “oh friend, don’t give them a second look, don’t listen to them for a minute.” Cut them off! Pray for them, love them, minister to them, but do not be tangled up with them. It will only end with you splatting on the ground underneath a bridge. Once they see what happens to you, they’ll be out. You’ll be on your own.

Life is not a game it has real consequences treat it with care.


Something to say about Leadership…My daddy’s bigger than your daddy.

I believe that in order for us to break free from insecurity, which remember is fear, we must have the right perspective about several things. The first of which is the right perspective about God. It really is sad to me how many people see God through a skewed view point. Instead of believing Him based on what He says about Himself, many have taken other peoples word for who God is and what He does, and many times their perspective is based on fear. It reveals their own insecurity and by no means truly reflects the heart of God.

How do you see God? Many See him as a mean spirited judge who is anything but just. They see Him as a vengeance seeking tyrant who wants to destroy people when they make a mistake. Others see Him as a sadistic Jester who gets his kicks out of playing with our lives. Others See him as a force, far removed, and distant from our lives. How do you see Him?

Why does it matter? I believe if we have the right perspective about God then we can have a right relationship with Him, and if we have a right relationship with him, and we get a true revelation of what that means, fear will be run out of our lives. How do you see God?

We can view Him a lot of different ways. As the powerful creator, who created all that is. We could view Him as the bible describes Him the first and the last. The genesis and final authority of all things. We could see Him as the judge. Make no mistake, He is. He will be the final judge of all things. Isn’t it interesting however that while we could view Him as all these things, that is not how Jesus said we should view Him and It isn’t what He illustrates in the new Testament.

How did Jesus say we should view Him? In Matthew 6:9, Jesus was teaching the disciples how to pray, and He said, “In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in Heaven, Hallowed be your name.” Couldn’t he have said, our creator in heaven? Or our Great Judge in Heaven? Or even just the Hallowed one in heaven? He purposefully told us to call Him Father. A few versus before this he said “pray to your father in secret” Jesus is telling us to look at God as our father. When Jesus, God’s son, referred to Him, he called Him father. It may not be clear yet why this is important, but follow me, you’ll see.

The new testament gives us several illustrations of this. The story of the prodigal son. This story is a picture of the relationship between God and Man, God being the father. The Gospels say in luke, “if you being earthly men know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more does your father in Heaven want to give you the Holy Spirit. There is One more scripture I want to give you that kind of sums this up.

Romans 8:15 says, We have not been given the spirit of bondage again to fear, but the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, abba Father. This passage of Scripture answers our question. Why does this matter? It tells us that we have been adopted by a good father so we don’t need to be afraid.

Please don’t take me out of context or understand me to say that God is not the judge, or creator, or due reverence, but God wants us to view him as our father. Why? Because when you truly realize that God is your Dad, then you will also realize there is nothing to be afraid of. Not poverty, cause your dad owns it all. Not sickness cause your dad cares for you and is also your healer. Not stress, because your dad is bigger than all that, and He loves you. He says, Im not just a father, but I’m a good father.

I really didn’t understand this until I became a father, and experienced a fathers love. I know how much I care for my girls. I know I would do anything for them. I would fight hell itself, I would give my own life, I would go to what ever extent to take care of them. I’m imperfect, I have flaws, I don’t always get it right, but if I have this heart towards my kids, and God is perfect and He never gets it wrong then what a great dad He must be.

So what does that have to do with overcoming insecurity? Were you ever on the playground and got in an argument with another kid about who’s dad is the best or biggest, and what does it always come down to. Someone says, “my dad is bigger than your dad.” Well in this case that is always true.

No matter what we are facing, our father, God is always bigger. So if God is always bigger than what do I have to be afraid of? Why should I be insecure. Fear, insecurity, much of the time is driven by intimidation. We feel intimidated by our circumstances, or competitive because of someone else’s gifts. However if we truly get a revelation of God that he is our father, and he is good, and he wants what’s best for us. If i really believe that, and that’s the perspective I have in life, then I have no need to fear. My girls know, I’m always here for them. In my humanity some day that won’t be true, because physically I can’t always be there. Humanity doesn’t apply to God. He said in Matthew…”I will never leave you or forsake you.”

So I encourage you as a leader if you want to overcome insecurity and really find your place and confidence then begin to see God like he wants you to see Him. Not as a judgmental person who is merely tolerating you, but a loving father who is always there for you.

Thank God for His grace, his mercy, and His Father’s heart. Let me encourage you, the beginning of this type of understanding is to become a son or daughter of God. You do that by inviting Jesus into your life, and forgiving your sins and committing to follow him. If you ask him to have this relationship with you he will.


Does anybody Care?

I have a great life! I get to meet a lot of people, from different backgrounds, in diverse settings, and issues on different levels. Just for the record, everyone deals with “stuff.” Everyone. Everyone in this life has ups and downs. Many victories and many travesties, and sometimes they come right on the heals of each other.

The one thing I know that “life” is not prejudice. It does not prejudge in any way. Everyone goes through it. By the way there is only one option if you don’t want to go through it. I think that life is what you make it, our perspective has a lot to do with our survival. Whether dealing with good or bad times, we can choose to be positive.

I think one problem we have, is when we get down, we can’t see anyone else. Its like, all of a sudden our life is locked in to a long stare in the mirror, and we don’t like what we see. I was watching “extreme home makeover” the other day, I love it. I love seeing people do good things for other people. There was a young man on it named Patrick Henry Hughes. He was born without eyes, and without the ability to straighten his limbs. He is now nineteen and quite an inspiration. He is a great musician! I can’t do his story justice by any mean, he is so inspirational! He has a book out, I’m going to get it. I can’t Imagine how so many of us have such minor issues compared to him, and yet he and his dad worked together to keep him moving forward, and we can find every excuse to slow to almost a stop.

When we are down and in that stare down with ourselves we can’t see anyone else, so the question arises, does anyone care? The answer of course, is yes! Absolutely yes! Someone does care. First and foremost God cares. The bible says in 2 Peter, that we should cast our care on Him because He cares for us. Others care. I bet we would be surprised how many other people care, if we would just let them in, if we, when we’re hurt would let down our guard and quit sending the message that we don’t want to be bothered.

I’ve had several wake up calls in my life. I call them that, because they are I was asleep to, until someone woke me up. Issues like human trafficking, foster kids, HIV/aides, orphans, starving people around the globe. When I first wake up to an issue, i always get zealous, then I see the need, it seems overwhelming, then I decide what i can do to help, then I go about doing it. In this process there is always a temptation to say, why doesn’t anyone care? Where are all the people that should be doing something about this? However, invariably I find out as i continue my quest to help, there are a lot of people out there caring. Some of them have different motives than others, but what I can say is Somebody does care.

Yes, more should care, and its up to us to get more people informed and involved, but lets not curse the baby as we are throwing the bath water out. I encourage you if your down, realize no one can read your mind. Ask yourself, “is my attitude a sign on my forehead that says, stay away from me?”

Ask for help. Ask someone to get involved. Tell someone close to you, that you need them, because I tell you with certainty, someone does care. Don’t give up, don’t quit, someone does care. If you can’t do anything but cry out to God and ask him to send someone to you, He will. He cares.

Someone Who Cares

Its a dark and rainy day….

I love days like this, I don’t know why but they slow me down. They cause me to think. To reflect and to meditate on things to come. I am thinking of the true possibilities of our Global Reach for Justice in Rwanda. We are leaving on June the 8th. I was meeting with the team just days ago, and we ask the question, “why do you think you are supposed to go on this trip?” There were many different answers. Some said, “I want to help the children,” while others said, “I’m not sure what I can do but I want to help change things for the people of Rwanda.” They all truly gave good answers.

I think we all should take time to ask that question about our lives in General, as to why we do what we do. Why are you involved in this or that? Where are you serving and why? It should bring perspective and clarity.

I asked myself, why are you going to Rwanda this year? My response is simple. To produce potential in people. I see this as one of the main reasons for my life. I have a vision for the potential in people and I feel my assigment in life is to help people realize that potential.

I know when we look at places like Rwanda, we see all the bad things that have happened. After having been there and built so many great relationships, especially with young Men and women who want to lead their country to health, I see a lot of promise and unending wells of potential.

My purpose in going this year, is not to just give a fish, but to teach them how to fish. I have kept relationships going through the web as much as possible, and we are planning a major connection with young leaders when we go. I believe that interaction and teaching, and relationship time is going to make a real difference in the lives of these young Rwandans, and in the life of the future of their country. We are going to help them in humanitarian ways, and in leadership.

How do you change the world, by seeing the potential of change, and producing it.

That’s why I am going to Rwanda. Why do you do what you do? Please share.

Next Generation….

OK, I’ve had it…Sound mad don’t I? Not really, I just hear so much talk about how bad the Next generation is coming up. It May be true for some, but I know a lot of young people who are productive, who care about life, who care about the important things. It will not be some political plan, some technology, some process or ideology that ushers in the next great thing, or the next great leadership movement. It will be the leaders of this next generation. The young people so many love to hate today.

I know that all we hear about is the negative on everything, partially because the media stokes that fire, and partially because we buy the smoke. However There are some great young leaders coming up. Oh there not in Hollywood, they are not even visible to you and I, but they are there and they have some thoughts.

My Daughter is one of those. Guess what, My daughter is not in to drugs, My daughter is not caught up in things that are illegal or self destructive. Now hold on before you judge me for being prideful, which, alright I’m a little guilty of, She isn’t perfect, and she tries my patience on a consistent basis, just by being a teenager, I try hers as well.

Taylor turned 15 today, she is, and I can’t say this without partiality, one of the best kids I know. She really wants to change the world. She cares about people, she cares about her relationship with Jesus and allowing Him to use her life, and their are tons like her. Volunteering, using their gifts and talents, and time to help others.

I think our future looks bright! I love it that my daughter wants to change the world. That can sound kind of idealistic to us over 40 crowd. I must still be idealistic too then cause I’m trying to change the world as well. So Taylor is going with me to Cambodia this year, and we will do our best to help others together, and by the way, that’s how you change the world. So all you young people out there, we believe in you, we see potential in you, and we are depending on your leadership and enthusiasm in the future to help change the world.

I have people ask me all the time how did you get your daughter to think like that, to be like that. I use to say, just the grace of God, but the truth is a little more specific than that.

1. I spend time involved in her life, and listening, cultivating and supporting her dreams and talents.

2. I surround her with dreamers. I have lots of friends who are big thinkers, and world shakers and I get her around them and let her listen and naturally they speak into her life.

3. She is planted in a great church and has great Pastors and pastoral figures speaking into her life, and helping to encourage and support her.

4. We Talk, talk, talk about everything.

5. I have listened to parents who have gone before me, and employed their advice.

6. She has the most incredible down to earth yet faith filled mother on the planet.

7. She surrounds herself with friends who are full on committed to Christ and she creates friendships with kids who she is reaching out to for Christ.

I can hear someone saying right now, well she’s still young and she could mess up. Yep, and probably will, Thank God for His Grace and the knowledge that His dreams for her do not hinge on my imperfections, her mothers, her leaders or hers, but rather on His perfection.

So Thank God for Taylor and her generation….Can’t wait to see how the world changes.