Sharp as a Tack

20120502-081103.jpg

You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 MSG)

What are friends for? One of the greatest relational crimes there is, is the misappropriation of friendship. In other words using friendship for something other than its intended use.

The mistake many of us make is thinking that true friends while always being there for us and us for them, should just accept and pacify our behavior regardless, and most of the time be threatened with being defriended or accused of not being a real friend if they speak up.

The truth is the purpose of a friend is to sharpen one another. True friendship while loving no matter what, loves so much that it betters the friends in the friendship. Love accepts
But it also corrects. Love cares but it also challenges.

A person who won’t receive from a friend the things required to sharpen themselves is no friend at all but rather is an emotional leach looking to drain the life out of anyone who would dare be their friend.

How to sharpen and be sharpened.

1. Don’t be afraid to be challenged on your thinking and behavior by a friend who loves you.

2. Don’t be afraid to speak up when your friend is out of bounds and needs help.

3. Realize that true compassion challenges a person to change.

4. Don’t ordain yourself your friends number one critic and coach, attitude is everything.

5. Don’t let insecurity hinder your growth by boxing in your friendships to only include surface emotional appeasement

Get a friend be a friend, and get sharp.

Confrontation a Leadership Requirement…Written Notes

So many people look at confrontation as a negative thing. There’s a big difference between confrontation and conflict. If we’re effective at confronting issues and people, then we can avoid a lot of conflict. Confrontation is merely, directly addressing things that need to change in order to teach and train those who are being confronted. This is not a negative, but very much a positive. So here are some thoughts about it.

1. One of the major differences between successful and non successful people is their willingness to confront. Successful leaders are willing, to have the tough conversations, in order to see real change, and forward progress.

2. If you want to lead you have to confront. Confronting is taking a person from where they are to where they need to be. Thats called leadership. To be an effective leader you must embrace confrontation.

3. Avoiding confrontation is just delaying and ensuring a major conflict. Things that need to be confronted but go unchecked ultimately turn into major conflict, and are much harder to deal with than they would have been if the leaders would have confronted them early.

4. You can do it! And do it right. Go into it with their best interest in mind and they will love you for it. If the purpose of your confrontation is to help the person being confronted then it will go well, and they will ultimately love you, for caring enough to confront them.

5. Jesus was a great confronter.
Woman at the well, he lovingly but directly confronted her issues.
The acusers of the adulterous woman and the woman herself, he confronted them for their religious hypocrisy then confronted her sin.
Peter, He confronted peter for his denial.
James and johns power play, He confronted Mary and James and John directly for there attempt at seizing power.

We know it needs to be done, so how do we do it? Here are ten ways to do it.

HOW?

1. Admit it needs to be done. Don’t avoid it because its awkward. If it needs to be done, then do it.

2. Do it in the right time. Timing is everything. Don’t do it in front of others and embarrass someone, don’t hit them while they are down, be considerate of their state of mind when you confront.

3. Pray going in. Always pray before confronting and don’t take it lightly.

4. Use it as a teaching moment. Its not about who’s right, or who’s wrong, its not just about pointing out faults. Its about teaching them, and helping them grow.

5. Be positive and caring, John Maxwell says, “People don’t care how much you know, unless they know how much you care.” its true. Be positive and caring, make it clear you love them, and care about their life.

6. No hinting or beating around the bush. Get straight to the point. You can lay a foundation, and ground work for what needs to be said, and many times that is necessary, but don’t hint, or assume they get it. Be direct, come to the point, just say it. If you are not direct you will confuse them and the situation will get worse.

7. Tell them what their getting right. Don’t just point out their faults, but let them know you see the great things they are doing well, and this is just an opportunity to teach them to do even greater things.

8. Act the same to them, let them know you see past it. After the confrontation is over, don’t be awkward around them. Deal with it, forgive it, and move on.

9. Don’t take forever. Get it done. Confrontation doesn’t have to take too long. I realize that there are some situations that need more time, and if its that big a deal, there probably needs to be some counseling. If it’s just a correction, it should only take a few minutes.

10. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is. No Drama, Minimize, don’t maximize. Don’t let it have a life of its own. Its just a correction, its not the end of the world.

So there are my thoughts on confrontation. Hope it helps.

YALC Session 2

This morning we started with powerful praise and worship, another great interview with Joe Reed on “between the trees.”  He interviewed Natalie Boyce.  They call her “Hitler”  Really Joe?  Let me just say, as a person who has been interviewed by Joe Reed, I do not recommend it!

Grant Pankratz the Executive Director of Youth America Spoke on “Pioneering Spirit”  He said, “My goal is to make the young people that come to Youth America fall in love with their local church, because Youth America can’t really disciple people, its the local church that disciples people.”

He spoke on the five characteristics of a pioneer.  I encourage you to go to http://www.harvestokc.com and listen especially if you are in the first phases of staring something.  Pioneers are different and have a different role, so some of the principles they live by are extreme.  It takes an extreme person, with extreme methods to create the inertia to get something off the ground.

What do you think?