“How is being grounded going to get me to school on time?”

Lately I have been picking up my daughter up from school because the transmission in her car is being fixed. It’s been a great bonding experience for us. More for me, the dad who is not quite ready for his senior to graduate. I’m fairly certain she could do without it. She loves me but independence is a beautiful thing.

I’m here on this beautiful day waiting for her to come to the car, I have my iPad and iPhone and am getting work done. Lately my office is wherever I am. I love technology.

My windows are down, a cool breeze is blowing and the sounds of school letting out fill my car. A girl walks by talking on the phone and says, “how is being grounded going to get me to school on time?

It made me laugh out loud as I remember many conversations as a young man having the same kind of discussions trying to make the argument that discipline wouldn’t fix the problem. Not realizing that my behavior was proof that I did not understand the consequences of my actions.

As a parent I can tell you what was being said on the other end of the phone. “babe, your missing the whole point. Maybe if we take some privileges away it will help you understand that before you get privileges you must fulfill responsibilities. That’s what successful people do. Do what you need to do so you can do what you want to do. If you continue to be tardy it’s going to effect your grades, actions have consequences”. If your the parent of a teenager I’m sure that conversation or some version of it has happened in your home more than once.

As parents it’s our role to give guidelines, set parameters, teach, train, encourage, and if necessary punish.

I have a fantastic teenager, she has truly been a joy, but she is still a teenager and going through adolescents is a challenge for parents and children. There are ways to do it successfully, here are some…

1. Have a parenting mentor.

I have a friend who has successfully raised 3 teenagers into adulthood they love God, the church, people, and life. So when I am trying to navigate through things that are important and don’t want to get it wrong I run it by him see what he thinks and talk it through.

2. Put yourself in your kids shoes.

Remember what it was like to be an adolescent. Read some books, take a class. Think back and how you felt. One of the best things I did before Taylor became a teenager was to take a course on adolescent psychology. It prepared me for what she would go through and how to prepare myself and Janae for what we would face.

3. Proactively prepare your child for it.

There are some good books written on a preteens level that prepare them for what’s coming.

4. Treat it positively.

Don’t scare your child and don’t be afraid yourself. It is truly a fun time, and a great experience!

5. Don’t listen to people that are negative about it.

People always want others to have the same negative experiences they’ve had. Don’t buy into that.

6. Love your kids.

Use the bible model. Teach, train, admonish, and coach your kids towards successful living. Let the last resort be punishment and let the punishment fit the violation, the effect relate to the cause. Most importantly show them affection and speak kind words. Parenting the right way takes more time, is inconvenient, and requires more patience but it’s worth it.

What are strategies you use in raising your teens? I would love to hear.

World Series Wonderment

I have to admit I’ve never been a baseball fan, and I have no skin in the game as far as the series goes. I really don’t care who wins, but have found myself enthralled in this series.

I’m more of a basketball/football enthusiast, but I think from now on I will watch the world series. There is inspiration to be gained from it.

Lesson from last night.

Never give up! If you just keep playing it reaps results. Win? Maybe, maybe not, but if you give up or get down, you absolutely will not win! If you win, great, but if you don’t you can feel great about your effort.

It has me wondering, what am I missing? Maybe I should become a fan.

What do you think?

Modesty is the Best Policy

On my way to a meeting this morning, I was listening to the radio, as you do, and I heard an interesting conversation.

A mother called in to the morning hosts and said she had a dilemma. She has been allowing her daughter to wear clothes up to this point that were as she put it “skimpy” this apparently was not a problem for her until recently. The reason it was a problem now for the mother was her daughter is getting a little older and had gained some weight. She wanted to know how to tell her daughter she looks bad because she’s too “fat” to wear it.

My thoughts…

I’m a dad to two beautiful, precious daughters, and the confusing messages that our society is sending them infuriate me. The infatuation with celebrity, and the philosophies that follow are infiltrating our collective psyche and having a profound negative effect on our children and especially our girls.

The problem I have with this mom is that this only became a problem when the daughter gained weight, this thinking only perpetuates the wrong mindsets that cause our girls to be confused. It’s not inappropriate because your body is yours and sacred and not for display that cheapens and objectifies you as a person, no its that if your skinny show it all, if your fat cover it up. And we wonder why our girls have esteem issues.

Parents, give your children a moral compass, based solely on principles that are not passing fancies, give them an understanding they are beautifully and wonderfully made by God not invented by the latest fads and fashions. Help them understand they have intrinsic value and the externals are far less important than the internals.

Build your kids up teaching them to respect themselves and others, not motivated by what others think and that it’s their right to hold sacred that which belongs to themselves. They are under no obligation to sell out to a society that can’t make up its own mind about what beauty is, and it’s philosophy is based on what sales not on what’s right.

It’s ok to confront your kids and say that’s inappropriate, I love you and I want you to have self respect and honor what’s important. Just a thought.

Please share your thoughts. How do you handle esteem issues with your kids?

You can reach around the world

We have a saying at church of the harvest. Some go, some send, but all are called to be a part. Which part will you play? One way you could help is to attend our global reach experience. November 18, 2011, 7 pm at our Okc campus. This night will be filled with the culture, need and vision we have for each country. as well as highly entertaining and very moving.

You don’t want to miss it. Click here for tickets. http://www.harvestokc.com/global-reach/global-reach-experience/.

You can change the world by going or sending but we all need to do what we can to help those in need.

One Thing

I was recently asked by a young leader who considers me a mentor, “what is the one piece of advice you would give me as a leader?”

I responded with, “wow, that’s a daunting task, by narrowing it to one it creates a sense of priority, if there was one thing I could tell you then it better be the most important thing.”

So I thought for a moment, and replied, “lead from your source.”. I can hear someone saying “what the heck does that mean?”

Some say it this way, “lead from your overflow.” It means, lead others out of your own growth. The best way to lead is to model growth and the best way to teach is to teach what you’re learning.

I see so many leaders today who are stale, reactionary, digging solutions up from the past for today problems, when what is needed is fresh, thought out answers.

It even goes deeper than that for me, when I say lead from your source I mean lead out of your on going development and growth in your relationship with God. Not depending on your own talent but leaning on Gods ability. Leaders are readers, and prayers and it’s out of that growth and connection that we should be leading. You can’t lead from someone else’s conviction or passion, it must be your own. You can’t lead from someone else’s understanding it must be your own! You can’t lead from someone else’s revelation in prayer it must be your own.

So lead from your source and that is the foundation for real, effective leadership.

If someone ask you what is your “one thing” what would you say?

Home Team

Saturday my OU Sooners lost in a surprising defeat to a Texas Tech team who played the best football in their history, they could seemingly do nothing wrong. It was their day no doubt.

Yesterday my Dallas cowboys won in a route over the St louis Rams, playing like I wish they would all the time.

It’s interesting in sport that winning and losing hinges on so many things. Attitude of players. The right coaching, whether the players “came to play” that day. So much goes in to a win, and still on some days you can have it all together and another team is just better.

In life as a Christian winning really requires 1 thing. Submission to the Coach. In this case the coach is also the star player, and He has promised victory.

Like the bible says in Romans 8 “if God is for us, who can be against us?”. The answer is, it doesn’t matter. Because God wins no matter what. No matter the opponents we may face, circumstances, enemies, temptation, fear, or the devil. God is for us so victory is ours. We have the distinct “Home Team” advantage. We win!

So I encourage you, join the team, submit to the coach, and put the check mark in the win column.

Mentors, motivation, & Momentum

As a 42 year old leader there are a plethora of principles I’ve learned from great men and women in my life. Things that not only taught me in that moment but for my lifetime by shaping the way I think about things.

As I tell those I mentor and disciple today a teachable attitude is the key to personal growth.

I realize at my age and the years of experience in leadership and ministry I have affords me a lot of knowledge. I do know some things. However wisdom dictates to me the older I get it seems there is still so much to learn. To be truthful in some ways I feel I am just getting started. Some risks I still want to take. Some things I’m ready to accomplish. I want to share with you a few principles I’ve learned from mentors in my life that have shaped my thinking.

I have distant mentors (people’s who’s books I’ve read and podcasts I listen to)

I have acquaintance mentors (leaders I’ve met and observe their organizations)

I have intimate mentors (leaders I know personally and glean from their teachings and personal conversations as well as watching their lives up close)

John Maxwell (dm) I have met him a few times but not to the point we are aquatinted. But his influence on me has been profound.

Principle: leadership is influence not position don’t get it confused. Serving is the key. Humility required.

Stephan Covey: (dm) read his books

Principles: base your life on eternal principles not temporal and plan your priorities not your time.

Andy Stanly: (dm)

Principle: Focus, Focus, focus. You don’t have to or want to do everything, choose your focus and give it everything.

Nick and Christine Caine: (am).

Principles: submission, passion, commitment to the cause empower you to change the world and inspire others to do the same.

Paul Scanlon: (am)

Principle: look at things from a different perspective. Don’t let circumstances or people pressure you to be something your not. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Steve and Charlette Gambille: (am)

Principle: enjoy life while intensely leading, thinking and carrying out big vision.

Kirk and Nancy Pankratz: (im)

Principles: assume the best first,
Be doggedly determined, believe in people. Be willing to put it on the line.

Terry House: (im)

Principles: every Christian is a missionary. Be calculating in the decisions you make and the risks that you take. Be a team player. Love people, make a difference, enjoy friendship and laugh a lot.

Willis Baldridge: (im)

He has passed away but I’m still learning from him. He was the first Pastor I worked for.

Principles: lead your church, pastor the whole community. Give a man enough rope he will hang himself. Care passionately about the word of God and revere the art of preaching.

These are just some of my teachers and some of the principles. Thought they might help you. Hopefully my words and my life are mentoring others.

Still learning.

Hey NBA think of the fans before they forget about you

I don’t pretend to know everything about the lock out or about the “business” of basketball in general. Here is what I do know. A lot of communities around the states have invested greatly in having an NBA Team.

Fans buying tickets, arenas being enhanced and renovated, some city’s even adding taxes to get it done, and downtown areas moving heaven and earth to accommodate it.

With good reason. It helps the community and economies of the cities to have a team. There is a lot of money spent and earned around those games. I heard a stat the other day that there is a million dollars infused into okc’s economy at each thunder home game. That’s revenue that will be impossible to make up if the lock out continues. How long will fans and businesses wait on things to change while owners and players are arguing over millions of dollars while small businesses and communities are losing money as a result.

I don’t begrudge in any way these teams or players making A lot of money. At what point though are these teams going to think about the communities and fans they are affecting and get back to it.

I don’t know the details but I know if the fans get tired of it tickets sales will suffer and conclusions will be drawn and it will have a negative effect on the whole league. At that point it won’t matter who’s fault it is. It will just be a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

What do you think?

The Symptoms of Insecurity

Insecurity is weight around our necks. It is a result of fear and immaturity. I think the most devastating part of insecurity is its ability to perpetuate itself. When we are insecure we present certain symptoms and those symptoms are contagious and cause insecurity to be spread like a communicable disease.
An example:

1. Belittling Others: a sure symptom of insecurity is making others feel inferior to make yourself feel superior. When a person is fearful or threatened by the gifts or talents of someone else they can purposefully or inadvertently insult them to create personal emotional equilibrium.

This is unfortunate in two ways. The first is it doesn’t work and ultimately reveals the insecurity of the person doing it. Second it perpetuates insecurity by making the person being belittled begin to second guess themselves and feel inferior.

How to keep this from happening?

1. Be yourself and be confident in that.

2. Learn to love the gifts in others and realize if you work together their talents will compliment yours and not compete with them.

3. If someone belittles you, understand its their problem not yours, and don’t lower yourself to participate.

Inoculate yourself from this contagion by not letting fear or immaturity rule your life.

***leaders, you lose credibility when you belittle anyone on your team. No one wins, and trust is broken.

Your Choice 2 (will we be married or marry in heaven)

If you were at church Sunday night you heard our discussion during the FAQ series on will we be married in heaven?

You have asked me to blog it so here it is.

My answer is straight forward and based on the account in scripture in Matthew 22. This specific question was asked and answered by Jesus himself.

(Matthew 22:23-30 NKJV)
The same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Him and asked Him, saying: “Teacher, Moses said that if a man dies, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife and raise up offspring for his brother. Now there were with us seven brothers. The first died after he had married, and having no offspring, left his wife to his brother. Likewise the second also, and the third, even to the seventh. Last of all the woman died also. Therefore, in the resurrection, whose wife of the seven will she be? For they all had her.”
Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven.

Obviously the point of this question was to argue with Jesus about the resurrection, but Jesus by addressing the question on marriage reveals how inadequate the Sadducees were in their grasp of the scripture and this particular theological concept.

Jesus reveals to them there is a resurrection and we will not be married or have the need for marriage in heaven.

In our humanity we need and want the relationships we have. But when we go to heaven our desires and needs, devotions and dedications will take on a new form. We are the bride of Christ and He is the focal point in Heaven. We will know people there like we do here. We will see loved ones who’ve gone before, it will be the most amazing place for us, he is still our focal point.

The answer today is as specific as it was then. What about divorce’s, what about remarried widows or widowers?

Which one will you be married to? It can’t be based on some subjective desire, based on our current human needs or wants. So therefore it must not be.

In my mind there is really no argument here. Jesus was asked the specific question and he gave a specific answer.

I like the way it reads in the message.

(Matthew 22:30 MSG)
At the resurrection we’re beyond marriage. As with the angels, all our ecstasies and intimacies then will be with God.

The point was made that the message is a paraphrase, for those of you who use the message let me assure you it is considered both.

When we use the term paraphrase we automatically think of the idea of taking a king James or English version of the bible and putting it in modern terms, which leaves room for subjectivity and personal preference in the process.

Eugene Peterson the translator of the message bible and his team are Hebraic and Greek scholars and although they did put it in modern language it was taken straight from the Greek and Hebrew. To understand a little more about how translation works read this.

“Since Eugene Peterson worked with the text strictly from Greek and Hebrew to English, he did what a translator does by choosing contemporary English words that best express the meaning of the original language. As all translators do, he used interpretative skill in choosing those English words. However, he “paraphrased” the original by selecting language that communicates the style and flavor of the original in Bible times—rather than trying to achieve word-for-word correspondence. Translation is generally thought of as bringing the meaning from one language to another, whereas a paraphrase is usually a rewording of a document within the same language. But in a sense, all translation also involves paraphrasing. There is no distinct line that can be drawn between the two. Sometimes it takes five English words to bring across the meaning of a single Greek word; other times only one English word is required to communicate five Greek words.

When Eugene began his work on The Message, he looked at how scholars had translated Homer from Greek to English. Some had tried to match word for word; others attempted to recreate the poetry of Homer in English. The Message leans toward the latter. Eugene’s intent was to recapture the tone, to bring out the subtleties and nuances of the Hebrew and Greek languages while keeping a sense of firsthand experience for contemporary readers. He often asked himself, “If Paul were the pastor of my church, how would he say this?” or “If Jesus were here teaching, what would it sound like?”

So, is it a translation or a paraphrase? It is probably most accurately called a paraphrase—an intelligent paraphrase. It is a bridging of the gap between the original languages and English, and between centuries of time and language change, to bring to us the Bible as it originally sounded.”

I show you this to say there is no inaccuracy in that scripture, and I use the message version merely to emphasize what the (NKJ) already told us. The answer is no.

So those are my thoughts on this question hope it helps.

One thing that is very important to me as a Christian, pastor, preacher and leader, is that we are careful not to make the bible say what we want it to but to listen to what it does say and act accordingly.

David